A haunting exploration of the mind at its breaking point

In this powerful and lyrical short story, a man stands at the precipice of his existence, contemplating the letters he might leave behind. Through richly textured prose and piercing insight, the narrative weaves between moments of connection and profound isolation, revealing how the world can die for us long before we leave it.

With unflinching honesty, "The World Ends First" examines the complex relationships that both sustain and burden us—from Dorothy, the bookshop owner who feeds a hungry mind, to Carter, the business partner whose steadfast presence cannot prevent inevitable collapse.

For readers who cherish the works of Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, and Albert Camus, this meditation on mental suffering and the search for meaning offers no easy answers, only the authentic voice of someone walking between two worlds. This brief yet devastating journey illuminates how trauma and circumstance conspire against healing, even when surrounded by those who wish to help.

"A remarkable achievement that captures the paradoxical nature of suicidal ideation—simultaneously a cry for help and a withdrawal from it."

Perfect for readers seeking thoughtful reflections on mental health, the power of human connection, and the often unseen battles fought in ordinary lives.

The Story Behind the Story

Ren published a version of this story on his writing Instagram account in January 2021, originally titled Deader. He drew a lot of inspiration from music, and this one was associated with the song, “I Will Follow You Into the Dark,” by Death Cab for Cutie—in particular, the lines:

If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the "no"s on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarksThen I'll follow you into the dark

For someone who had lost so much at such a young age, he was understandably preoccupied with death. In this story, it is implied the unnamed narrator has suffered and lost enough that he takes his own life in the end.

In revising this story, I fleshed out the scenes between the narrator and his two companions who acted as anchors in his life, building on those scenes to show how the narrator came to his final decision. I also expanded on his introspection at the end before his final act. I retained most of Ren’s original language, only adding in details and correcting grammar. This is how I’ve treated all his stories in The Constellation of Forgotten Things.

Allow me to draw your attention to the irony of the last two lines:

And that, that was entirely up to the world and how it had all the power to stop this. But it didn’t, for they were deader than he felt when he jumped off the ledge to join them.

First, the narrator has gone up to the roof, far away from the people below—far from where real life happens. His sense of disconnection leads him to physically remove himself. By the end, he jumps off to “join the world” below. The thing is, of course, the world isn’t dead in the actual sense. And it’s worth pondering over, that this character feels the only way to become part of the world is through death.

It gives a glimpse into the mind of those who struggle with mental illness and the way it isolates them from the rest of the world.

I started revising this story early February 2024—many months of head bashing. I don’t know if I’ve improved much, as Ren’s original story stands well on its own, but I gave it a go anyways. I included Ren’s version in the original anthology, even though it hadn’t been on our list. Unlike the other stories planned for the collection, this one doesn’t have any fantasy elements and is set in the modern world. At the time, I only wanted all of his completed works to be published, and that was the only way I knew how to do it.

This will be included as a bonus story in the new edition.